Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
