Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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