She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
