They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
