I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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