my phone cant type all the emotion im having
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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