Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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