UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
