Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize