the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Randomize
