An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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