he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
