If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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