Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.