im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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