he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
