I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
