dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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