just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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