are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
