Pants 0. Shit 1.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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