Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What a dumb baby whore.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
