Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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