my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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