The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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