This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
