There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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