To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
