i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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