literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
