He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
