im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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