So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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