it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
