i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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