were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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