you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
