That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
