i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
