You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
