I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
