Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
