I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
