I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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