She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
