Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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