So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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