You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
