Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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