Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
