i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize