**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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