I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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