i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
