every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize