drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
