I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
