i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
