you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
