got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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