so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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