I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You pole danced in your parka.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
