That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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