i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
