I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
