GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
