If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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