I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
