just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
