You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
