I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Still dying that you shit outside
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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