How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
